Playing in the Aspens with Baba

Grandma Bell

"To the old rugged cross I will ever be true;

Its shame and reproach gladly bear.

Then He'll call me someday to my home far away,

where His glory forever I'll share."

"So I'll cherish the old rugged cross, till my trophies at last I lay down.

I will cling to the old rugged cross, and exchange it someday for a crown."

We love and miss you, Grandma. Always.

Success?

I spend no less than four hours a day reading. Not for leisure, but for the intellectual stimulation that is education. I can read, process what I've read, and verbalize that analysis. I can write, express my thoughts, and communicate my learnings. This makes me "successful" in the eyes of society. In many ways, it makes me more "successful" than the guys that fix my car and change my oil, or the men and women who grow the crops that I consume, or the men that come on a weekly basis to landscape the complex (which is an art form, I'm convinced). More "successful" than the single mom that uses her home as a daycare or the father who never utters a word of complaint about his "day job", because it enables him to provide for his family.

Am I really more successful? Does the fact that I'm up at 5:30 AM reading advanced academic writings and writing lengthy research papers really make me more successful? If success is defined by the number of degrees one obtains, or the employability of an individual, then sure I'm headed in that direction. But what about overcoming obstacles? What about honest hard work and a genuine appreciation of life?

My success doesn't lie solely in the fact that I am educated, but rather that I am pursuing what I am passionate about and what I am convinced that I am purposed for. I refuse to look at any student, peer, colleague, or individual as any less of a person or any less of a success because they may not know what a comma splice is or what Emile Durkheim's writings suggest. Instead, I would much rather spend my energy appreciating the fact that life is a collaborative effort in which I'm blessed to participate. And that without the contributions made by those around me, I would not survive.

As a nation, we place a great emphasis on the "individual attainment of success." But what exactly defines said success? Is the means as important as the attainment itself? It may be beneficial to seriously consider this idea as our poplulation continues to increase, and as the number of individuals that attain academic success increases. If our definition of success remains as narrow as it is, competition will only intensify.

Just because...

...has made for a beautiful start to a beautiful week.

"The Journey"

One day you finally knew

what you had to do, and began,

though the voices around you

kept shouting

their bad advice--

though the whole house

began to tremble

and you felt the old tug

at your ankles.

"Mend my life!"

each voice cried.

But you didn't stop.

You knew what you had to do,

though the wind pried

with its stiff fingers

at the very foundations,

though their melancholy

was terrible.

It was already late

enough, and a wild night,

and the road full of fallen

branches and stones.

But little by little,

as you left their voices behind,

the stars began to burn

through the sheets of clouds,

and there was a new voice

which you slowly

recognized as your own,

that kept you company

as you strode deeper and deeper

into the world,

determined to do

the only thing you could do--

determined to save

the only life you could save.

~Mary Oliver

The Way I Am

Today I pulled an Austina. You know exactly what I'm talking about...

I mediated a situation that wasn't my crisis because I have a lot of heart invested in the people involved. A resolution (at least momentary) resulted.

This occurred between classes, meetings, and studying, and was heavy in weight.

Then, this evening, the piano lesson (from which I have been anticipating a check) I had scheduled was cancelled. I felt a wave of frustration because my commitment to this particular student is based majorly on the fact that I see a need in her for guidance and attention; a need that I have established enough trust to offer and somewhat meet.

I left class and headed in the opposite direction of my car, on a walk to decompress.

Kelly called.

Asking to hear my grievances from the day, he listened so intently to everything I said, but even more to all that was unsaid. Because he cares that much.

Then came his response. He proceeded to explain that so much of the reason that he is in love with me is based on the fact that I "pull Austinas." I continue to do such things because I know that it is good and right and so much of why I am here. He told me that "we (he and I) are detailed oriented, beautiful people who care way too much about stupid little shit. But the moment we stop doing what we know to be good and true is the moment we begin losing purpose. It is not our small perspective that matters, but God's." That is something worth trusting.

This is who I am. It is not a flaw. I find so much fulfillment in supplying needs (saturated with love) for others when I am called and able. The catch is understanding that they are whole as they are (the people)--not disposable, broken, or in need of fixing. I am just one, minute part of the journey, and as long as I can find peace in the fact that I am working according to God's plan, I need not grow weary.

I do not define myself according to my job, my studies, my location, my dreams, or even my relationships. But I do define myself as a creation here to do the will of one who is beyond all comprehension, and that means being true to who he created me to be--not who others think I should be. So, I will not change... I will just continue to grow.

Thank you, Kelly, for loving me.

Asian Glow

So, the honest reason that I decided this picture should be in black and white was because of the lovely shade of red the recently consumed margarita had turned my face.

Chillin' with little dude.

"Can I please come sit with you?"

Oh, alright.

Goof.

The couch is an awesome jungle gym.

Friends didn't quite hold his interest. Moving on to the counting book!

Then some laundry.

Wandering

Today was one of those days that I just sort of wandered. Do you know the type? When you just kind of seem to float through the day? Sometimes you're just out of it, sometimes you're on cloud nine, but today I was just melancholy and distant.

I went for a run through the neighborhood and returned 2 hours later. My shower took 20 minutes, half of which was spent sitting on the tub floor. I forgot to dry my hair until I was almost late. I rambled at church. I went to Target for earplugs and emerged from the store an hour later.

Strange day.

Coffee. Books. Ice cream. Park. Music.

I'm looking forward to today.